Remembering the past.

It’s hard sometimes to remember the past.  If it wasn’t all butterflies and roses we often file that part of our life into the control alt delete section. However,  more than we care to admit the past controls us. It creeps into closest with skeleton keys and skulls. It makes grande entrances at the most inopportune times, kills the melodies in our heads with small talk of who we once were and pimp slaps us back into reality. We are tainted. Nothing. No better than our parents, siblings, family or fears. If we don’t objectively look at the past we will unconsciously do, say or be the thing we fear most. Unchanged.  In order to understand ourselves and our family we have to take a close look at the themes that continue to play out in each generation. Some are good like instilling family pride, good work ethics, money management skills or an entrepreneurial spirit; others are destructive like the way you put you kids down, negative family or self talk. These traits are sometimes learned behaviors and we all too often don’t realize it. We go through life never investigating our past beyond our family tree. We choose not to look for behavioral traits mistakenly thinking that we are just the way we are just because. I really believe that we are connected to our ancestors in a more concrete way. As hard as it is for me to take a look back, I must.  In order to truly move forward,  to let go of the negatives of and in my life and history I have to know what they are, how they make me and hinder me. I have to do the work. Confront my past, to enjoy my present gifts and walk firmly into my future.
Not sure what I will uncover but I’m ready for the ride, plus my closet needs cleaning.

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