Getting it together… dreams and visions.

I went grocery shopping today for the first time in a long time. I dropped the prince off at his grandparents and went alone. It was hard for me to drop him off, because the daytime is our time. I will really miss that time when I go back to work, but I have to get it together. Unfortunately I am unable to not go back to work right now, but I am working on that situation. While in the store I talked to my baby girl about dreams and visions…. about the work it takes to get what you want. We talked about not being complacent, but pushing, doing, working until you get there. We both agreed that we are nowhere near where we thought we would be, but we are also far from where we were. There is work to be done, dreams deferred that need to be achieved. We talked about the fact that I wasn’t able to give her all I wanted to give her as a child. That I now have another child and I wonder if I will be able to give him all I want to give him. We discussed the fact that we have a family unit. That WE together can give him what he needs. I am not an island. I have a village. I am supposed to be resting, but I can’t. There is so much to do, so much on my mind, so much I want to say and can’t seem to find the correct way to express it. This week I asked a couple of people in my life what they thought I was good at, what they would think my passion would be. So far I have gotten writer, poet, leadership, counseling young girls and speaker. Funny no one said teacher. Coincidence?… No. I think not.  I have been trying to get out of the classroom for the longest. I like the kids and the interaction, but I much more prefer to work with the adults or older children in a capacity that is not a conventional education setting.  Man I went off on a tangent. Let me get back to what this post is about. DREAMS AND VISIONS…. a LONG time ago. Well what seems like a long time ago. God gave me a distinct vision of myself. It was wonderful and it FELT like I was there I felt as if I had to be pushed back into this realm. I asked 2 ladies that had the same DREAM and VISION of me if they remembered it. Now mind you these ladies were not my close friends or family, I had not told anyone the vision and they had the exact same vision from different vantage points, but it was the SAME one. They both remembered and both hoped it was coming to pass. Sadly it is not, and I cannot fully SEE the vision anymore. I wanted to know that I wasn’t crazy, that I hadn’t made it up and that God had placed that vision in them just  as He had placed it in me. I want to SEE the vision again I want to believe again, to live again, to breathe again, to KNOW again. I want to find my purpose in this great big cosmos. I KNOW there is more than this. I KNOW. I instill that in my children. BE MORE, DO MORE, LOVE MORE, don’t settle, do the work. However, somewhere along the line i have forgotten that truth for myself, for my family, for my marriage. So I find myself seeking once again. Seeking Him again, laying open, sacrificed at the cross, crying out. MORE!!!!!  MORE of HIM, MORE for my family, for the World. MORE! I am at a point in my life that fulfillment is like breathing. I can’t continue to just exist. LiVE I must. God compels me to. I just have to Listen MORE, be still MORE, seek Him MORE.. so that I can know what MORE He wants me to do for Him. In the meantime I am am seeking the giver of the Dream. the one that will Bring the VISION to pass. If I can just get less of ME and more of HIM I know that the DREAM and VISION will surface. So back to the Alter I go.


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