I constantly have to remind myself that I am only 4 weeks post partum and no one expects me to be up and running a marathon. With the undue expectations I put on myself I think I have over done it just a bit. My back hurts to high heaven…I have a pain on the left side of my c-section incision part of my right thigh is STILL numb and hurts at the same time and to top it all off I had to let go of my dream of breastfeeding (still holding out hope though). With ALL that being said I am extremely grateful for the strength I do have. ..both mentally and physically. GOD indeed is a keeper. Its been more than a couple of times that I thought I would lose my mind. This entire experience has taken a LOT out of me. Mentally, physically and spiritually. I have had to examine and reexamine my expectations of people and myself. I have felt neglected by my church family and actual family and had to come to grips with my bitterness towards both. I have fretted over going back to a job I am not too fond of. Financial worries…not feeling adequate enough, not being able to write or sing or get out long enough to enjoy a simple walk has taken a toll on my psyche. But God. When I let go (fully) of the need to know, the need to control, the comparison trap I WILL be ready to receive all God has for me. It is a process but I am more than willing to leave those things on the alter and experience a new level of intimacy with Christ a newness in my family life and other relationships. It’s time. I’ve put way too many things on my shoulders when God Has told me too cast my cares on Him. The change will not be easy but when I look at my family I know its worth it and its time. I owe it to God and them to start fully walking in ALL that He has called me to be without reservations and start accepting the possibilities and the fact that I am worthy.